When the Rain Comes

This blog is about to take a much more personal turn.

I stroll the baby isles at Target longing for the day when I can buy binkies and burp cloths and diapers, yes-even diapers, again. Every time I go downstairs to do laundry (which is often) I walk by our "baby storage."  I wonder if I will be able to use these beloved items again.  I want to know the scent of baby skin and stroke my newborn's head again.  I want to hear the first giggle and watch the first steps.  We've been trying for almost a year for a second child and it is just not happening.  I often wonder what God wants for our family.  And then today...I finally cried.

Then, there are the people who make casual comments about how it must be time for Hannah to have a little sister or brother.  I know they mean no harm by it and it is a very common thing to say, especially when they probably imagine we want another child.  I usually respond by saying, "We're trying" and then get a blank stare.  No one knows what to say and I don't even know what I want to hear.  I think that is why most people don't ask me about it.  It has become a very lonely journey.

One of the worst times is at church when I go to pick Hannah up from nursery. Everyone else – and it is everyone else – has at least a number two, and I feel like such an outsider. They swap stories about the trials of having more than one child and my heart aches.   I suppress my sadness and try to offer a sympathetic ear.

Please don't think that I am not grateful for the beautiful, sweet, healthy, fun daughter that God has already gifted us.  I hope this blog attests to how much I absolutely adore Hannah.  It's just that I don't feel like my family is complete.  I have a hole in my heart that longs for another child.

We don't know what the Lord's plan is, yet we remain hopeful.  I will be visiting the doctor next month to try to figure out what may be going on.  We pray that the Lord reveals His plan for our family and helps us to grow more dependent on Him.  If you feel led, please pray for us during this difficult journey.

When the Rain Comes (click here)